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| Friday, February 8, 2008 01:22 PM |
| On the Viewer - Bad Movies or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate the Sith |
 by Fëanor |
Last night as I was eating dinner and doing some blogging, I was also flipping through the channels, and I ended up watching bits of two number 3 movies that I've seen before: the end of Jaws III and a latter section of Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith.
I've always known that Jaws III is a terrible movie, but it was amusing to see again just how terrible. The effects are so horrendous. Admittedly, it was originally meant to be in 3D, and perhaps if I'd been watching it in that format it would have looked at least a little bit better, or been slightly more frightening. But I have a hard time believing that seeing that utterly fake mechanical shark - its jaw flapping open stupidly - float across the screen toward - and ultimately through - the glass window of an underwater observation room whilst the people in the room freak out in slow motion, could ever elicit anything but laughter and, just maybe, a palm slapped to the forehead. Perhaps even more ridiculous and laughable is the final shot, wherein our heroes splash happily in the water, celebrating the destruction of the shark (oops, spoiler!) and the survival of their dolphins (oops, did it again!) whilst one of those dolphins leaps up in the foreground, looking so much the wrong proportion and so out of place that one wonders if it isn't jumping in from another movie entirely.
Anyway, after watching that cinematic wonder, I spun the dial a little further and noted that, according to the little status indicator on the screen, HBO was playing a movie entitled "Star Wars:". I instantly realized that it didn't really matter what came after the colon; this was a movie I wanted to watch. I quickly discerned that it was the third, final, and best entry in the prequel trilogy: Revenge of the Sith. And I left it on while I went about my business, glancing up occasionally.
But as time went on, I found myself having a horrifying and inescapable realization: this movie is terrible.
Seriously, it's really, really bad. The acting is awful, the dialogue is abysmal, the story is puerile and nonsensical. This is a bad movie.
Of course, many people have been saying the same thing about this movie for years. But keep in mind, I have been a die-hard fan of Star Wars literally as far back as I can remember. Some of my earliest and happiest memories are of watching the first movie on TV, and playing Star Wars with my friends and relatives. I enjoyed every one of the movies the first time I saw it - including every one of the prequels. Most of them have remained entertaining for me, but the films in the prequel trilogy especially have lost a great deal of their luster each time I've seen them. Even so, up until now, I've always made excuses for them. Like, sure, the dialogue is bad, but there's a great story underneath it all - the overall arc of the thing is moving. The characters - well, some of them - are interesting. The music is fantastic, and the action is great! Did you see Yoda do that thing?!
But this time, I don't know. Maybe it's because I was watching it while I was doing something else. I let my guard down, and I forgot to make allowances for the fact that it was a Star Wars movie. And I just thought, "Holy crap, that's a terrible film I've got on there. I can't believe that guy just said that. And now I can't believe he just said that. And what he's doing now makes no sense."
What makes it worse is that, as I already said, Revenge of the Sith is actually the best of the prequel movies. So that means the other ones are all even worse than that!!
Of course, this doesn't mean I'm throwing out all my Star Wars DVDs. And it also probably doesn't mean I won't defend the prequels vigorously if someone else bad-mouths them to me. But it does mean the veil has been lifted; I've glimpsed a dark and terrible truth; and I may never be the same. Beware! The truth can free you, but it can also drive you mad!
Oh, and did you see that thing Yoda did to that guy? That was awesome. |
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