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| Tuesday, July 7, 2009 12:08 AM |
| On the Viewer - Ghost Rider |
 by Fëanor |
Even though I heard terrible things about the 2007 Ghost Rider film starring Nicolas Cage, I love the comic book character enough that I still felt honor bound to see the movie. Besides, I thought there was a slim chance it might be fun. I managed to snag a copy of the movie on DVD as a reward of sorts for helping SuperTarzan move, and recently I finally got around to sitting down and watching it. I decided to live-tweet the entire experience. Here's the whole thing reprinted in chronological order. (I've removed the "Ghost Rider:" prefix from the front of every tweet to avoid repetitiveness, and I've done a bit of editing and formatting for readability.)I'm glad @samsmoustache is in this movie. Is Sam playing his same character from Big Lebowski?
Dude! Peter Fonda is Satan! Nice.
Wow, this is cheesy. The origin story they come up with here might actually make more sense than the comic book one, though.
His buddy is played by Donal Logue? OK then. They flipped past a great movie on a TV in the movie. Can't remember title.
He eats jelly beans all the time instead of liquor? And he loves TV shows about monkeys? Who is he, Ronald Reagan?
I remembered! Movie on TV earlier was Jacques Tourneur's Night of the Demon.
This movie is going to be about finding a contract? So... it's a legal thriller?
Johnny says, "You're stepping on Karen." Then Donal throws him a pimp cane. Wow.
Johnny asks Roxanne if she wants to go to dinner. "Eye-talian?" Sigh. He's kind of a dumb-ass.
Villains are lame as hell. They're fighting over whether the lights stay on or not. "I will retire him." That's the best you got?
Roxanne using a magic eight ball at the restaurant. Wow.
If Johnny has to do what Mephistopheles says, how was earlier Ghost Rider able to defy him and run away with the contract?
Blackheart appears to kill people by giving them way too much eyeliner.
Is Johnny supposed to be laughing crazily while turning into Ghost Rider, or is he just having lots of fun?
Ghost Rider's head looks too small for his body. Why did Blackheart think hanging would kill him? Hasn't he met Rider before?
Demon immediately freaks out and asks for mercy from Ghost Rider. That's one lousy demon.
In this movie Rider seems to be here to do specific job for devil, so why does he bother saving girl from mugger?
At this point I had to pause the movie. When I came back to it later, I decided to watch it over again from the very beginning, just to get the full effect.
Just realized, contract is totally a MacGuffin.
Young Johnny walks in planning to leave & immediately finds item proving dad really loves him & item stating dad about to die.
Young Johnny pretty bad actor.
Mephistopheles tells him, "Forget friends, forget family, forget love." Each line gets flashback; for family, we see his dad...
... for love, we see Roxanne. But he has no friends, so for that line they just show him walking with bike and smiling. D'oh.
Movie asks us to sympathize w/suicidally reckless redneck who enjoys monkey comedy & eating jellybeans out of martini glasses.
What is with Johnny doing all the dramatic pointing at people?
Reintroduction of Roxanne ridiculous. Johnny really a jerk during Roxanne's interview. Romantic music truly awful.
I do appreciate that he adds helicopters to the jump, though. That's pretty hilarious.
Highway they're driving on has 1 lane each going opposite directions, but lanes are separated by *white* not yellow lines.
Villains posing like they're doing a magazine shoot.
Love how poorly thought out villain's plan is. "We'll get the contract, then... take over the world. Somehow."
Is it good or bad if Mephistopheles is your biggest fan?
Why doesn't Mephistopheles kill Blackheart? Should be able to if he's powerful enough to make something that can kill him.
So, the Caretaker just stands around in the cemetery all day, leaning on his shovel?
This is... this is just really bad.
As Rider leaves nearby parking garage, he knocks out the G and A in the neon sign, so it says RAGE. Woah! My mind is now blown.
Movie finds it completely impossible to make any character either threatening or likable. Villains laughable, heroes lame.
Didn't Caretaker just tell us Blackheart & friends can't enter hallowed ground? How is Blackheart raising havoc in a church?
OK, there are some cool effects in here. They got the look of the Rider pretty much right.
I just don't get the whole contract thing. It's a bunch of souls? So what? Mephistopheles must pick up 100s of souls every day.
Oh no! Not Donal Logue!
Hm. JB took the death of his best friend surprisingly well. Barely even noticed it, in fact.
So Blackheart's new plan is to get GR to get the contract for him. But what's to stop Mephistopheles getting it first?
Spoiler! The Caretaker is the old school Ghost Rider of legend. That's actually pretty cool.
Caretaker wastes last bit of GR power riding w/JB to final showdown, then disappears. Couldn't've shot some fire at B first?
Seriously. You hang onto spectral superpowers for a hundred years, then use them up on... a joyride?
Love how Caretaker's last advice to flaming dude on motorcycle is to "stick to the shadows." Yeah. They'll never see him!
If your last remaining enemy is a demonic water elemental, you might want to consider driving around any bodies of water.
Demons clearly familiar w/GR, but all surprised by his abilities, completely unprepared to fight him. All easily dispatched.
Exchanging Roxanne for contract. GR says "let her go first." So Blackheart...does. Thus giving away any leverage he had. Idiot!
Was this movie written by a 12-year-old boy?
Can't believe GR's powers just go away when the sun rises.
So you just have to hold the contract, say you have it, and then you get all the souls? Law is simpler than I thought!
Why does having some old souls from a dead town mean he now can take over the world? This movie makes no sense at all.
I liked the thing where he turned the gun into a hellfire gun, though. That was cool.
What happened to Mephistopheles wanting the contract? He no longer seems to care what happened to it at all.
"Whenever innocent blood is spilt it'll be my father's blood and you'll find me there." Did he just paraphrase Grapes of Wrath?
GR defies devil to his face. So devil gets mad and leaves. What? Just take back the power like you said you would!
There has never been a more pathetic and impotent Mephistopheles in cinema history.
"My daddy always said if you don't make a choice, the choice makes you." Yep. Didn't make sense then, and it doesn't now!
Good God, that was awful. So cheesy and nonsensical.
Some final thoughts: Johnny's dramatic pointing was less pointing than it was a shove of his claw in a particular direction; rather then actually stick out one finger, Nic Cage just stuck out his half-closed fist. Very strange.
There's an odd scene in the film that seems completely unnecessary where Blackheart threatens a priest in a church. First of all, I thought the Caretaker said earlier that Blackheart can't enter hallowed ground, so it seems to me he shouldn't even be in there, let alone using his dark powers to scare people. And second of all, it really feels like this scene was part of a subplot that was otherwise cut out of the movie. The scene doesn't go anywhere, and we never find out who the priest is, what he has to do with anything, or what happens to him.
In general the plot is an obviously slapdash affair that falls to pieces at the merest brush of logic. The contract that's at the center of the story is especially problematic. We pretty much just have to take for granted that it's important, even though what it's supposed to do and why is never made clear. But I'm particularly confused by the character of Mephistopheles. Clearly this is a being of great power; he's able to turn regular people into brutal spirits of vengeance. He can cure cancer. But for some reason he can't pick up a contract for himself, but instead has to send a Ghost Rider to do it for him. Then when the Ghost Rider defies him, rides off, and hides the contract... he can't do anything about it. Later when his son Blackheart comes to Earth and defies him, he again seems unable to do anything about it personally, and instead sends a Ghost Rider to take care of the problem for him. He's made a deal with this Rider that he'll give him back his humanity and take the Ghost Rider curse away when Blackheart is dead. Earlier it seemed clear that Mephistopheles' deals are powerfully binding. But when the Ghost Rider defies Mephistopheles to his face and says he'd rather keep the power to fight him... Mephistopheles just yells at him petulantly and runs away.
But anyway. I think I've spent way more words already on this movie than it deserves. Suffice it to say, it ain't worth watching. |
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