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| Saturday, August 28, 2004 03:27 PM |
| (Last updated on Wednesday, December 31, 2008 02:29 PM) | | THE CORE |
 by Fëanor |
So, tonight me and poppy and a gang of friends that I've had since college got together for a little party we'd been planning for some time. I'm embarrased to say that the main purpose of the party was to watch the film The Core.
I know, I know. But one of the things that this gang of friends has always done together is see films—often really bad ones. And when we all saw the ads to this one, we felt that inevitably we would end up seeing it together, so we planned to do so, with some resignation. But somehow, we never got around to actually doing it until tonight. I rented the movie, we even decorated the place and played Core-themed games, and finally we watched the movie.
Now, anybody who's merely seen the trailer for this film knows that it is a totally preposterous and brainless disaster flick—possibly the one to end them all. But my god! I was totally horrified by how ridiculous this film was. The things it asked us to believe! That the Earth's core could stop spinning due to the effects of some secret super-weapon. That we could then somehow build a fantastic laser drilling machine that could travel to the core of the earth, and then fire off nuclear explosions that would "restart" the "stalled" engine of the Earth. That the effects of the Earth's core's stoppage would include a highly localized shaft of radiation that could melt the center of the Golden Gate bridge, yet somehow not melt the cars on the bridge. That the two beautiful white people who survived the journey to the center of the Earth (after all of the ethnic folks had sacrificed themselves in totally agonizing and horrifyingly painful ways for the sake of the mission) could somehow escape safely, in but a few hours, from the core of the earth, thanks to...well, some kind of thing where the hull of their magical drilling ship was getting sort of solar power from the nuclear explosions, and they somehow tapped into it, and then rode up through open magma shafts, or something...
I don't know. We talked through a lot of it—maybe there were actually some plausible explanations for some of these ridiculous things that I missed. But I highly, highly doubt it.
This film is almost Mission to Mars-level ridiculous and awful—and that's really saying something, since I use M2M as a kind of touchstone for truly awful movies.
Anyway, luckily we ate lots of snacks and other horrible food and played a good portion of a game of Settlers of Catan, which helped a certain amount to get the bad flavor of The Core out of our minds.
Plus, we made a core-of-the-Earth cake. Then we built our own drilling machines, and attached them to a globe which my sister-in-law's mother had inexplicably painted black.
Yes, my life is a strange and a geeky one. |
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