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| Wednesday, October 13, 2004 06:09 AM |
| Rant 2 of a series (I promised) |
| by poppy |
Bridal registries as fulfillment of oral desires:
I love you, ©
So I’m looking through a bridal magazine, and there’s an ad for Crate&Barrel (a store that I like, don’t get me wrong) which went right up my nose. It was a white box with a blue ribbon on a white background with the tag “Because you marry a store too.” I bloody well do not! I thought polygamy was illegal in this country? As far as I can tell we treat corporations as practically alive beings, so if I married one I certainly couldn’t then go and marry the poor sod I filled out the registry with. And if I marry Crate&Barrel, does that mean I can’t ever shop at Target again? Will it be adultery if I go to a Starbucks? And what the hell could I be charged with for going to the mall?
like a bull in a china shop
I was reading a book on bridesmaiding, and apparently one of my duties as maid of honor is to accompany the bride to pick out her “pattern.” Apparently I missed this the first time I was a maid of honor, probably because that bride had her pattern picked out since she was like two. As I’m reading what picking out a pattern entails, I start to get a bit queasy. This bride, don’t get me wrong, she’s a swinging gal and all, and she entertains and is perfectly social., but the couple’s entertaining usually is of the beer from the bottle, wine from the cheap glasses variety. They tear it up when they go out, but not so much fuss at home. I also have to mention that I grew up with this woman, and I know her family very well. A piece of china would not survive one minute of use. Not one. I’m shocked sometimes that the corningware hasn’t given up the ghost over there. So what in the name of god does she need with china? Apparently the salespeople can be kinda pushy as well, always trying to get you to get the see through stuff. I don’t know that the see through stuff would survive the trip home, regardless of which one of us drove. I have my fingers crossed that she passes on this tradition and gets herself some nice flatwear instead. Some nice, practical flatware.
*on a side note, last night on That 70's Show it came out that Jackie had already picked out her pattern: purple and pink with unicorns. This amused me.*
put it on her charge
I guess I’m just bitter, because it seems like this registry stuff is a pretty good racket. You can ask for whatever you want and chances are good someone will buy it for you. Still, it seems like bad planning in a way. I can go nuts all by myself if I get in a shopping mood; I get home and find I have all manner of trinkets that I not only do not need but that I have no place for. What would happen if it was on someone else’s dime? Sigh. Still… Oh wait, what happens if I marry Crate&Barrel? Do I register at Crate&Barrel? That seems somewhat icky in a way: all my guests rummaging around in my groom, looking for deals and cursing my expensive tastes.
“Why couldn’t she marry Target? Now that was a store with a future. If you ask me, that store fit in much better with the family than this uppity one right here.” But if I register somewhere else, Crate&Barrel will know where I’ve been.
“This? This? You went to Macy’s behind my back? You promised! You said, oh, I’ll stop going to the mall when we’re engaged, you said!”
“But honey, it was my mother, and she always did like Macy’s, it’s not that she doesn’t like you, but Macy’s really was like part of the family for awhile there, and she wanted to honor that.”
Meanwhile, my mom would totally not like Crate&Barrel, and secretly be talking to Macy’s about my schedule and where I’ll be so that we can “bump into” each other, maybe get some dinner, look at some barware. Maybe we’d even look at patterns. Ohhh, Crate&Barrel would be so jealous…
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